First read Day 7 in The Love Dare book or you can read that chapter here on the KLOVE Blog...
Love believes the best... Are you the half full or half empty kind of person? Do you *automatically* assume the worst or the best? Do you give others the benefit of the doubt? What about your family members... husbands, children? Do you jump to conclusions or do you give them the benefit of the doubt?
I was once a *jump to conclusions* kind of person. I still do it to a degree, but try really hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try to give them the grace that I would want to be given. It is a choice and I DO have control over it!! I choose to NOT fill in the blanks with negative assumptions. Even when I feel like I am being personally attacked - intentional - on purpose... I still TRY to extend grace and compassion. I go through a list of things in my head as I am praying for them. They must be having a bad day, going through a rough time, just don't know better, etc... It is hard not to get offended and jump into defensive mode, but since I have been practicing it I have so much less stress and drama in my life. I really like that... :o)
So along with everyone else in this world, I am choosing to stop and ask what is really going on - when my kids or my husband is short with me or snaps at me. I have realized that by doing this and not letting my thoughts start running, that it is rarely about me. I realized that was pretty selfish of me to assume that everything was about me! I know now that if I give it a minute and then ask my boys or my husband if everything is okay, it usually isn't and it usually has nothing to do with ME! I can be there to listen and pray with them though.
So what about the times when they do say it is about me? That is the hard one... Taking what is said by them or other people who have approached me out of love, and going before God to help me sort out what is truth and what needs to change is the way that I have found best. Doing this without getting all riled up and upset works REALLY well! Not taking it personally until God tells me that it is personal and he has work for me to do.
Satan wants nothing better than for me to get caught up in the negative thoughts. He wants be to jump to conclusions, assume the worst, let my imagination run wild, be doubting, see everything half empty, think that I am the only one that has this problem or feels this way... It is a choice and we all have it! I choose to not give Satan any power in my life...
Focus on the positives, see everything half full, don't jump to conclusions, be patient, wait for God's timing and plans.... Let Him be the artist of you soul!! Let him mold you and shape you into the vessel that he needs. You will LOVE the changes. The process of change isn't always easy, but the end result is amazing!
Today's dare... Get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse/child/parent. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place!!! There is a different plan and purpose for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse and children for having this characteristic.
Which was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse/child/parent for having?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 6
Today's reading is Day 6 in your Love Dare book or here on KLOVE's Blog. Be sure to go read it first...
Love is not irritable... Oh ouch... that is a toughie!!!
Not being irritable is something that I still struggle with often. I can tell you that I am getting a LOT better at this one, but I still have much more work to do in this area. Some of the things that I have found that quickly bring me to the point of being irritated with my family is fear and unrealistic expectations. I get irritated when I am afraid something isn't going to go the way that I think it should. I get irritated when we have such a tight schedule that there is no room for error - of course there are going to be things that come up! I get irritated with they don't seem to be listening to me... why does that irritate me? Well really, the bottom line is that I want to be a good mom. Good mom's have kids who listen and obey, right?! So I am terrified that I have not been a good mom and that is why they are not listening to me... I know, I know... It is my strange thinking process, but it is what it is... FEAR.
So the things that work for me are CHOOSING to handle each situation with calmness and grace (the same grace that God gives me), keeping my schedule manageable, putting my plans and dreams in God's hands and control, always taking a day of rest during the week (Sunday), and getting enough sleep. :o) Sure doesn't sound hard, but it still is a struggle for me.
Today's reading was soooo good and I recommend going back and rereading it as many times as you need. I know that I have already read it life five times and keep seeing something new every time!
Today's dare... Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your family in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Love is not irritable... Oh ouch... that is a toughie!!!
Not being irritable is something that I still struggle with often. I can tell you that I am getting a LOT better at this one, but I still have much more work to do in this area. Some of the things that I have found that quickly bring me to the point of being irritated with my family is fear and unrealistic expectations. I get irritated when I am afraid something isn't going to go the way that I think it should. I get irritated when we have such a tight schedule that there is no room for error - of course there are going to be things that come up! I get irritated with they don't seem to be listening to me... why does that irritate me? Well really, the bottom line is that I want to be a good mom. Good mom's have kids who listen and obey, right?! So I am terrified that I have not been a good mom and that is why they are not listening to me... I know, I know... It is my strange thinking process, but it is what it is... FEAR.
So the things that work for me are CHOOSING to handle each situation with calmness and grace (the same grace that God gives me), keeping my schedule manageable, putting my plans and dreams in God's hands and control, always taking a day of rest during the week (Sunday), and getting enough sleep. :o) Sure doesn't sound hard, but it still is a struggle for me.
Today's reading was soooo good and I recommend going back and rereading it as many times as you need. I know that I have already read it life five times and keep seeing something new every time!
Today's dare... Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your family in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day 5
Today you will need to read Day 5 in your Love Dare book or go here to the KLOVE Blog to read it.
Love is NOT Rude...
Did you catch that? Man oh man is this my pet peeve. Being rude to your children or your spouse shows a huge lack of respect, and I don't know anyone who is rude to their family and gets respect back in return. Day 5 in The Love Dare books says this, "Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. However you look at it, NO ONE enjoys being around a rude person."
Nothing breaks my heart and makes me angrier than hearing a spouse "jokingly" rip on their spouse. It isn't funny... Doing it to your children is even worse! It is all those little "digs" that are said in a "joking" manner. Learn what is funny, because this is not...especially when it is a sensitive area for them. Please DO NOT talk negatively about your spouse or children to your friends or co-workers. You can single handily tear apart your family by doing this. Women who bash their husbands publicly must not have a clue what they are doing to their marriage or they wouldn't do that. Parents who belittle or bash their children publicly or even at home must not have a clue as to the damage they are doing to their son or daughter. They definitely are not going to capture their heart doing that, and it DOES NOT build relationship. It really breaks my heart to see this and it seems like it happens more frequently.
People who practice self control and have good manners are a pleasure to be around. People who are rude and constantly complaining about their spouse and/or their children are a complete drag. In my opinion the only people that want to hear and see that, are people who are jealous and want to see you fail. They seem to be miserable people who have already lost everything, and we all know that misery LOVES company.
It might be that you are a very considerate person around others, but completely different behind closed doors. A VERY common occurrence, sadly... That is hypocritical and something that will cause your children to rebel. They will consider you to be not "real", but "fake". It is so important to treat your children AND your spouse the way you would want to be treated. The way that they SEE you treating other people too!
Teens... show your parents respect and put away the rude behavior and you will get respect back in return. Not just one time, but over and over - every time! Be a blessing... :o)
Wives - it is so important for you to speak highly of your husband. Singing his praises!!! Nothing will boost his confidence in himself faster. He will begin to receive promotions and challenge himself to the next level. If you exhibit confidence in him, then he will be confident in all areas of his life.
Parents - I have heard that for every correction that you give your child you should have six positive things to say to them (praises). If you praise them publicly it is like six times more meaningful!!! I am sure the same is for your spouse. If you feel like you are constantly having to correct your children, then give this a try! I think you will LOVE the results. Your child will go above and beyond to hear that praise. :o)
Once again... don't wait for your spouse, parent or child to be the first one. You go for it!!! If you are thinking that everyone else has the problem and you don't... then you definitely need to go first! Lead the way...
Today's dare is to ask your spouse, child, parent to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You cannot attack them in return or even try to justify your behavior. This is their perspective... listen... :o)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day 4
Today you will need to read Day 4 in your Love Dare book or you can read the chapter here on the KLOVE Blog.
Thoughtfulness... The definition is:
I like the synonyms for thoughtfulness that I found... Synonyms: attentive, solicitous. Thoughtful, considerate mean taking thought for the comfort and the good of others. Thoughtful implies providing little attentions, offering services, or in some way looking out for the comfort or welfare of others: It was thoughtful of you to send the flowers. Considerate implies sparing others annoyance or discomfort, and being careful not to hurt their feelings.
It is so easy to be thoughtful in the beginning of our relationships. It is being kind and so EASY to see the little details. It is WANTING to show thoughtfulness... It is something that we have to work at making sure we continue to do each day, in each situation. It is part of being unselfish!
This can be applied to our children as well. It is important to not only be thoughtful and considerate of our spouse, but our children as well. How will our children learn these things if we don't demonstrate it for them? Because we tell them so? We need to not only demonstrate our thoughtfulness towards others, but also towards our spouse AND our children. I am all for boundaries and sticking to the boundaries, but having my child's heart is a priority. In order to have their heart I need to build relationship. In order to build relationship I must demonstrate love, through kindness and thoughtfulness. That doesn't mean that there are not still boundaries. It does mean that I need to look for ways to demonstrate thoughtfulness TO my child.
Teens... You can demonstrate thoughtfulness to your parents too! When your parent isn't feeling good, you can pick up the slack. You can offer to make dinner, clean the kitchen, bring them tea with honey. When I am sick one of my sons is quick to serve me. He brings me tea, offers me a foot massage and brings me comforting meals in bed. I soooo appreciate that and I know his wife is really going to love that one day! I love it when my sons can see that I need an extra hand or help with some of my chores. It doesn't have to be anything big at all! It can be as simple as not wrestling with their when I am not the phone - or - not constantly getting his brother riled up. :o)
Parents you can demonstrate thoughtfulness in lots of ways too! You can pick up the slack for a child who is genuinely swamped - not just putting it off to the last minute... You can do one of their regular chores for them to help them out. Cleaning their room for them really doesn't likely work... they will know that you are doing that for you, not them. :o) One of my favorite stories is when I was about 15 and was getting ready in the morning for school. It was one of THOSE mornings... I had already tried on like 12 outfits and nothing was working right. Nothing fit, nothing looked good, etc. I literally lost it! My mom came upstairs to see what was wrong and instead of telling me to hurry up and just get dressed, she told me that I didn't have to go to school and we were going shopping. That was the best day of my teenage life!!! It wasn't expected, I wasn't manipulating her, and it was a wonderful day! She was thoughtful and considerate of my hormonal, teenage bad morning. It can be as simple as picking them up one day from school instead of making them walk - and maybe taking them to ice cream. Surprising them and bringing them lunch from a restaurant instead of school food.
Thoughtfulness says, "Hey, I was thinking of you today." So today's dare is to check in with your spouse, child or parent sometime during the day. Having NO agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. That's it! It seems so easy... Can you imagine if everyone did this?
Thoughtfulness... The definition is:
- 1 absorbed in or involving thought. ■ showing careful consideration or attention.
- 2 showing regard for other people
I like the synonyms for thoughtfulness that I found... Synonyms: attentive, solicitous. Thoughtful, considerate mean taking thought for the comfort and the good of others. Thoughtful implies providing little attentions, offering services, or in some way looking out for the comfort or welfare of others: It was thoughtful of you to send the flowers. Considerate implies sparing others annoyance or discomfort, and being careful not to hurt their feelings.
It is so easy to be thoughtful in the beginning of our relationships. It is being kind and so EASY to see the little details. It is WANTING to show thoughtfulness... It is something that we have to work at making sure we continue to do each day, in each situation. It is part of being unselfish!
This can be applied to our children as well. It is important to not only be thoughtful and considerate of our spouse, but our children as well. How will our children learn these things if we don't demonstrate it for them? Because we tell them so? We need to not only demonstrate our thoughtfulness towards others, but also towards our spouse AND our children. I am all for boundaries and sticking to the boundaries, but having my child's heart is a priority. In order to have their heart I need to build relationship. In order to build relationship I must demonstrate love, through kindness and thoughtfulness. That doesn't mean that there are not still boundaries. It does mean that I need to look for ways to demonstrate thoughtfulness TO my child.
Teens... You can demonstrate thoughtfulness to your parents too! When your parent isn't feeling good, you can pick up the slack. You can offer to make dinner, clean the kitchen, bring them tea with honey. When I am sick one of my sons is quick to serve me. He brings me tea, offers me a foot massage and brings me comforting meals in bed. I soooo appreciate that and I know his wife is really going to love that one day! I love it when my sons can see that I need an extra hand or help with some of my chores. It doesn't have to be anything big at all! It can be as simple as not wrestling with their when I am not the phone - or - not constantly getting his brother riled up. :o)
Parents you can demonstrate thoughtfulness in lots of ways too! You can pick up the slack for a child who is genuinely swamped - not just putting it off to the last minute... You can do one of their regular chores for them to help them out. Cleaning their room for them really doesn't likely work... they will know that you are doing that for you, not them. :o) One of my favorite stories is when I was about 15 and was getting ready in the morning for school. It was one of THOSE mornings... I had already tried on like 12 outfits and nothing was working right. Nothing fit, nothing looked good, etc. I literally lost it! My mom came upstairs to see what was wrong and instead of telling me to hurry up and just get dressed, she told me that I didn't have to go to school and we were going shopping. That was the best day of my teenage life!!! It wasn't expected, I wasn't manipulating her, and it was a wonderful day! She was thoughtful and considerate of my hormonal, teenage bad morning. It can be as simple as picking them up one day from school instead of making them walk - and maybe taking them to ice cream. Surprising them and bringing them lunch from a restaurant instead of school food.
Thoughtfulness says, "Hey, I was thinking of you today." So today's dare is to check in with your spouse, child or parent sometime during the day. Having NO agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. That's it! It seems so easy... Can you imagine if everyone did this?
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day 3
Go to today's reading in your book (Day 3) or on the KLOVE Blog and then return to this page...
Today's dare is a tough one for me, believe it or not. Selfishness is something that I have had to undo through the years. Learning to be a servant and serve those around my (my family first) didn't come easy for me. It was easy to take care of my babies and put them first, but serving my husband has been difficult at times. He is the epitome of an unselfish person... He rarely does anything at all that is just for him and only him. I really can't think of anything. He is always there to lend a hand and picks up my slack often. When we were first married it was an issue because it was very unbalanced. He served me WAY more than I served him. He treated me like a princess and I let him. Even though he is my prince and not my servant. I have grown a lot in this area, but still have to fight it at times.
If you are confused or not sure what Selfishness is, Wikipedia defines it as this, "Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself; and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. In that it necessarily connotes a disregard for others, it is beyond the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others (self interest)." I am not sure that it is possible to love your family and spouse the way that God intended if you are acting in this manner. It is pretty clear in the bible that we are NOT supposed to act in this manner. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." WOW!!! Does that sound like the teaching that is going on in our society? What about James 3:16, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." These are pretty strong words... this is serious!!!
1 Corinthians 10:24 says, "Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." Imagine how different the world and everyone's relationships would be if this were followed. There is no reason to meet your own needs when everyone is meeting each others needs. There is a Law of Reciprocity found in Luke, "Give and it will be given to you." It works, it really does!
This applies not just to your marriage and family, but your whole life. Of course caring for the needs of your family comes before serving others. I know many people that are happy to serve others, but don't seem to be able to serve their own family. What good is it if we save the world, but lose our family? I have been told countless times that I do too much for others - including my family. Their point was, what do I do for myself? There is a balance in this. I do still have to physically take care of myself and feed myself spiritually in order to be able to serve others. There are extremes and the pendulum swings pretty wide. There are people that are totally neglectful of their children and spouses. They ONLY think of themselves and what makes them happy. Every decision is based on what makes THEM happy. Sound familiar? I see this more and more each day. Then at the other end of the spectrum, we have the person that is literally killing themselves to meet the needs of everyone else. Not just needs, but wants and desires... Needs that they could handle on their own. They are happy to have someone come along and wait on them hand and foot. Neither of those are the balance. Then there is the person that only does things that are visible to others in order to have the bragging rights, get the pat on the back or in order to manipulate that person. We also have to find the balance in serving others outside of our family. I have seen many families through the years that only serve themselves. No one else outside of their family. They become a their own click or cult. It is important that we teach our children to serve others. Teach them to love their neighbor as themselves. In order to teach this it must be demonstrated by us. It is all a balance...
In today's reading something really caught my eye, "The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself." That really is how it works! The amazing part is that by loving others and make decisions based on that, you will receive MORE joy and happiness than you could ever provide for yourself. :o)
So today's dare is really based on Matthew 6:21 and Luke 12:34, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." What ever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. So along with restraining from negative comments, give your family something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
Today's dare is a tough one for me, believe it or not. Selfishness is something that I have had to undo through the years. Learning to be a servant and serve those around my (my family first) didn't come easy for me. It was easy to take care of my babies and put them first, but serving my husband has been difficult at times. He is the epitome of an unselfish person... He rarely does anything at all that is just for him and only him. I really can't think of anything. He is always there to lend a hand and picks up my slack often. When we were first married it was an issue because it was very unbalanced. He served me WAY more than I served him. He treated me like a princess and I let him. Even though he is my prince and not my servant. I have grown a lot in this area, but still have to fight it at times.
If you are confused or not sure what Selfishness is, Wikipedia defines it as this, "Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself; and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. In that it necessarily connotes a disregard for others, it is beyond the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others (self interest)." I am not sure that it is possible to love your family and spouse the way that God intended if you are acting in this manner. It is pretty clear in the bible that we are NOT supposed to act in this manner. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." WOW!!! Does that sound like the teaching that is going on in our society? What about James 3:16, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." These are pretty strong words... this is serious!!!
1 Corinthians 10:24 says, "Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." Imagine how different the world and everyone's relationships would be if this were followed. There is no reason to meet your own needs when everyone is meeting each others needs. There is a Law of Reciprocity found in Luke, "Give and it will be given to you." It works, it really does!
This applies not just to your marriage and family, but your whole life. Of course caring for the needs of your family comes before serving others. I know many people that are happy to serve others, but don't seem to be able to serve their own family. What good is it if we save the world, but lose our family? I have been told countless times that I do too much for others - including my family. Their point was, what do I do for myself? There is a balance in this. I do still have to physically take care of myself and feed myself spiritually in order to be able to serve others. There are extremes and the pendulum swings pretty wide. There are people that are totally neglectful of their children and spouses. They ONLY think of themselves and what makes them happy. Every decision is based on what makes THEM happy. Sound familiar? I see this more and more each day. Then at the other end of the spectrum, we have the person that is literally killing themselves to meet the needs of everyone else. Not just needs, but wants and desires... Needs that they could handle on their own. They are happy to have someone come along and wait on them hand and foot. Neither of those are the balance. Then there is the person that only does things that are visible to others in order to have the bragging rights, get the pat on the back or in order to manipulate that person. We also have to find the balance in serving others outside of our family. I have seen many families through the years that only serve themselves. No one else outside of their family. They become a their own click or cult. It is important that we teach our children to serve others. Teach them to love their neighbor as themselves. In order to teach this it must be demonstrated by us. It is all a balance...
In today's reading something really caught my eye, "The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself." That really is how it works! The amazing part is that by loving others and make decisions based on that, you will receive MORE joy and happiness than you could ever provide for yourself. :o)
So today's dare is really based on Matthew 6:21 and Luke 12:34, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." What ever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. So along with restraining from negative comments, give your family something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 2
I forgot to give you the link for the intro to the Love Dare Book yesterday, so I am providing it for you today. You might want to go read that first before getting into Day 2.
Now you need to go and read Day 2 in your book or on the KLOVE Blog...
"Kindness is love in action..." Did you see that? Explaining kindness is difficult for me - other than saying it is being nice to others. I think I will definitely be posting this up on my mirror... Maybe even get some wall art for my walls with this phrase. It is something that I think we all could look at daily... :o)
My goal has always been that of a Proverbs 31 woman. I want my children and husband to consider themselves blessed to have me as a wife and mother. Having kindness on my tongue is the only way that is going to happen. It is not only being kind in my actions, but my tongue as well. That is the hardest part for me and I am sure that must be a struggle for most otherwise the book of Proverbs wouldn't be filled with verses about the power of the tongue. The verse that has always stuck in the forefront of my mind is Proverbs 15:4, "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." I want my tongue to be one that brings healing and speaks life into my family. I also know that the bible says the tongue is "a restless evil full of deadly poison" - it has the power to not only hurt deeply, but even destroy. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." It has the power of life and death! I want to be the wise woman who speaks life to those around me - loving my neighbors as myself. Who are my neighbors? Anyone around me... including my family! James 1:26 says, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." That tight rein is not just what we do in public, but what we demonstrate at home with our family as well. :o)
On the kindness scale, how would your family rate you? Ouch?! How harsh are your words and actions? How gentle and helpful are you? Parenting doesn't require harshness. Disciplining children is far more effective when done without yelling and screaming. It is about capturing their heart - not turning it into a heart of stone. The goal is for our children to WANT to obey their parents. Not only through their actions, but inwardly as well. You do that by capturing their heart. If you want to raise children that will not rebel when they get to their teen years, then you need to have their heart! You do this by building relationship with them. You spend time doing things TOGETHER. You are patient and kind. A great book on this subject is Shepherding a Child's Heart by Dr. Ted Tripp. Being patient and kind does not mean there are not boundaries and that there are not consequences for the times when they purposefully go out of those boundaries.
Children! Teens! You too can change the tone and direction of your family with your kindness. Being kind to your siblings and parents... through your actions and words. Being a kind person is the person that everyone wants to be with including your family! Honoring your parents by not speaking disrespectfully, but with kindness. :o)
So who goes first? If you are currently in a household where a kind word is rarely spoken, how do you change that? You go first! Don't wait for everyone else. They will follow your lead... Even if you are the child - go for it! It is very hard to demonstrate love and kindness when you don't "feel" like it. It is a very dangerous place to be in when we allow our feelings to dictate our lives. We control our feelings, they don't control us! How many families and marriages could be saved if people would stop letting their feelings have complete control over them. You have a choice whether to let words and actions hurt you. You have a choice whether to run with your feelings or do what is right. In today's reading the very last paragraph says this, "It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense in not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. you will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
In my opinion there is no greater reward here on earth than being loved and loving... However, you have to demonstrate kindness if you want to have that love in your life... So today's dare - In addition to saying nothing negative to your family again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
I should also emphasize how important it is to journal through these 40 days. I highly encourage and recommend it. Ask yourself today or tomorrow morning - What discoveries about love did I make today? What specifically did I do in this dare? How did I show kindness?
Now you need to go and read Day 2 in your book or on the KLOVE Blog...
"Kindness is love in action..." Did you see that? Explaining kindness is difficult for me - other than saying it is being nice to others. I think I will definitely be posting this up on my mirror... Maybe even get some wall art for my walls with this phrase. It is something that I think we all could look at daily... :o)
My goal has always been that of a Proverbs 31 woman. I want my children and husband to consider themselves blessed to have me as a wife and mother. Having kindness on my tongue is the only way that is going to happen. It is not only being kind in my actions, but my tongue as well. That is the hardest part for me and I am sure that must be a struggle for most otherwise the book of Proverbs wouldn't be filled with verses about the power of the tongue. The verse that has always stuck in the forefront of my mind is Proverbs 15:4, "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." I want my tongue to be one that brings healing and speaks life into my family. I also know that the bible says the tongue is "a restless evil full of deadly poison" - it has the power to not only hurt deeply, but even destroy. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." It has the power of life and death! I want to be the wise woman who speaks life to those around me - loving my neighbors as myself. Who are my neighbors? Anyone around me... including my family! James 1:26 says, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." That tight rein is not just what we do in public, but what we demonstrate at home with our family as well. :o)
On the kindness scale, how would your family rate you? Ouch?! How harsh are your words and actions? How gentle and helpful are you? Parenting doesn't require harshness. Disciplining children is far more effective when done without yelling and screaming. It is about capturing their heart - not turning it into a heart of stone. The goal is for our children to WANT to obey their parents. Not only through their actions, but inwardly as well. You do that by capturing their heart. If you want to raise children that will not rebel when they get to their teen years, then you need to have their heart! You do this by building relationship with them. You spend time doing things TOGETHER. You are patient and kind. A great book on this subject is Shepherding a Child's Heart by Dr. Ted Tripp. Being patient and kind does not mean there are not boundaries and that there are not consequences for the times when they purposefully go out of those boundaries.
Children! Teens! You too can change the tone and direction of your family with your kindness. Being kind to your siblings and parents... through your actions and words. Being a kind person is the person that everyone wants to be with including your family! Honoring your parents by not speaking disrespectfully, but with kindness. :o)
So who goes first? If you are currently in a household where a kind word is rarely spoken, how do you change that? You go first! Don't wait for everyone else. They will follow your lead... Even if you are the child - go for it! It is very hard to demonstrate love and kindness when you don't "feel" like it. It is a very dangerous place to be in when we allow our feelings to dictate our lives. We control our feelings, they don't control us! How many families and marriages could be saved if people would stop letting their feelings have complete control over them. You have a choice whether to let words and actions hurt you. You have a choice whether to run with your feelings or do what is right. In today's reading the very last paragraph says this, "It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense in not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. you will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
In my opinion there is no greater reward here on earth than being loved and loving... However, you have to demonstrate kindness if you want to have that love in your life... So today's dare - In addition to saying nothing negative to your family again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
I should also emphasize how important it is to journal through these 40 days. I highly encourage and recommend it. Ask yourself today or tomorrow morning - What discoveries about love did I make today? What specifically did I do in this dare? How did I show kindness?
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day 1
I am beyond excited to start this new Family Love Dare today! The nice thing is that it only take one person to change the whole household. It doesn't mean that the whole family has to be on board today. Soon they will want to be on board and you will see attitudes change right before your eyes...
So first you need to read today's reading from The Love Dare book. If you don't have the book you can read Day 1 here on the KLOVE blog. Go now... read it before going any further.
So if you haven't realized it before, this book is written for husband and wife relationships, but is can easily be applied to family relationships too. This is going to be hard and is going to take work, but it will all be worth the journey. There will be lots of blessings along the way and in the end you will be so in love with your family. You will want to spend your time playing with them and loving them.
Patience is so hard and one of those things that you just never want to pray for. It is VERY hard if you are not already a pretty patient person. This is something that I have struggled with over the years and I am still not what you would consider "a very patient person." I want things done quickly and efficiently so we can move on to the next thing. This can be frustrating to me when that doesn't happen... which is much more frequently than I would prefer. When I get frustrated, I get impatient and then my face gets a pretty ugly look about it. It does cause me to be angry, snappy and pretty foolish with my words and actions. Yep... anger doesn't get it done faster or make it all better, it just causes more damage to those around me.
Be slow to anger... That seems to be my mantra on most days. Some days I have to repeat it over and over again. The bible is full of verses that talk about how God is "slow to anger", and there is one that is just for me too! Proverbs 14:29 is a pretty frequently recited and remembered verse for me - "He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly."
I can tell you that when I put myself on the receiving end, I want people to be patient with me. I LOVE it when people are patient with me. When they aren't it just gets me all riled up and ready to say "Game on." After 20.5 years of marriage it still surprises me when I screw up royally, and I am expecting my husband to go off the deep end and really give it to me. He doesn't! He is VERY patient with me and I appreciate that so much. Even when I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. How much more would my whole family love to have that from me too? How much more could they actually learn from their mistakes if I am patient with them and calmly recognize that they screwed up? Without throwing it in their face, without giving them the 20 minute very loud lecture?
A wise person is a patient person. A foolish person is impatient and angry. I want to be a wise person... that is something that I ask God for regularly. Do you want to know where you can find the perfect example of a wise person? Read the book of Proverbs! It clearly defines the wise person versus the foolish person. Did you know there are 31 chapters in Proverbs? It is the perfect daily reading, and after all these years I still am learning new things by reading a chapter each day.
Today's dare... Demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to any member of your family - AT ALL!!! It is not going to be easy for some of us. If you find yourself in that moment when you are ready to let loose or even let it slip - keep it closed and say nothing at all. It IS better to hold your tongue than to say something that you will regret later. You know the saying... if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Something else you can pray throughout the day is "Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth ; Keep watch over the door of my lips," found in Psalm 141:3. It helps me to pray it often throughout the day. Even when I am tempted - I say under my breath, "Lord Jesus, set a guard over my mouth and watch over the door of my lips."
You can do this!!! Say aloud... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... Phillipians 4:13.
So first you need to read today's reading from The Love Dare book. If you don't have the book you can read Day 1 here on the KLOVE blog. Go now... read it before going any further.
So if you haven't realized it before, this book is written for husband and wife relationships, but is can easily be applied to family relationships too. This is going to be hard and is going to take work, but it will all be worth the journey. There will be lots of blessings along the way and in the end you will be so in love with your family. You will want to spend your time playing with them and loving them.
Patience is so hard and one of those things that you just never want to pray for. It is VERY hard if you are not already a pretty patient person. This is something that I have struggled with over the years and I am still not what you would consider "a very patient person." I want things done quickly and efficiently so we can move on to the next thing. This can be frustrating to me when that doesn't happen... which is much more frequently than I would prefer. When I get frustrated, I get impatient and then my face gets a pretty ugly look about it. It does cause me to be angry, snappy and pretty foolish with my words and actions. Yep... anger doesn't get it done faster or make it all better, it just causes more damage to those around me.
Be slow to anger... That seems to be my mantra on most days. Some days I have to repeat it over and over again. The bible is full of verses that talk about how God is "slow to anger", and there is one that is just for me too! Proverbs 14:29 is a pretty frequently recited and remembered verse for me - "He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly."
I can tell you that when I put myself on the receiving end, I want people to be patient with me. I LOVE it when people are patient with me. When they aren't it just gets me all riled up and ready to say "Game on." After 20.5 years of marriage it still surprises me when I screw up royally, and I am expecting my husband to go off the deep end and really give it to me. He doesn't! He is VERY patient with me and I appreciate that so much. Even when I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. How much more would my whole family love to have that from me too? How much more could they actually learn from their mistakes if I am patient with them and calmly recognize that they screwed up? Without throwing it in their face, without giving them the 20 minute very loud lecture?
A wise person is a patient person. A foolish person is impatient and angry. I want to be a wise person... that is something that I ask God for regularly. Do you want to know where you can find the perfect example of a wise person? Read the book of Proverbs! It clearly defines the wise person versus the foolish person. Did you know there are 31 chapters in Proverbs? It is the perfect daily reading, and after all these years I still am learning new things by reading a chapter each day.
Today's dare... Demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to any member of your family - AT ALL!!! It is not going to be easy for some of us. If you find yourself in that moment when you are ready to let loose or even let it slip - keep it closed and say nothing at all. It IS better to hold your tongue than to say something that you will regret later. You know the saying... if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Something else you can pray throughout the day is "Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth ; Keep watch over the door of my lips," found in Psalm 141:3. It helps me to pray it often throughout the day. Even when I am tempted - I say under my breath, "Lord Jesus, set a guard over my mouth and watch over the door of my lips."
You can do this!!! Say aloud... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... Phillipians 4:13.
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